Comcast- 2, Danny - 0, My Couple of Readers - A Few Minutes They Will Never Get Back

Being a comedic genius I know when trying too hard ruins the funny. Take my 3rd chat with Comcast. I went for it way too fast, the c/s reps don't get me, and it ends up being less funny than my other chats. At least I think so. Feel free to tell me I'm wrong though. If you do, I'll love you forever!

Sorry this post has no picture...the next one will have lots!
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Dan: My Issue: looking for some sweet, sweet dealies for me!!!


analyst Jonathan has entered room

jonathanmBLD: Hello Dan, Thank you for contacting Comcast Live Chat Support. My name is Jonathan. Please give me one moment to review your information.

jonathanmBLD: Welcome to Comcast! How may I assist you today?

Dan: We got'em J-Bizzel! We got Osama!!! Let's celebrate by looking at my account and seeing if there are some deals out there to lower my bill!

jonathanmBLD: I can certainly help you with that, Dan.

jonathanmBLD: To start, for the integrity and security of the account. Can you please provide me with the name on the account and your account number.

Dan: Name Dan Kyle...account number - I have no clue. I could guess but that probably would be a waste of time for both of us... But to be honest I got lots of time since work is slow so I will start guessing. Is my account # 1?

Dan: or 2?

jonathanmBLD: That's alright, Dan. I just want to verify the information that you provided on the initial chat form.

jonathanmBLD: The address that you entered is: 732 JARED RD, CORELAND,PA 19075

jonathanmBLD: I just want to make sure that I'm looking at the right account.

Dan: sorry. it's Oreland. The C is my apt #

Dan: So it's 732 Jared Rd, Apt C, Oreland, PA

jonathanmBLD: Thank you for verifying, Dan.

Dan: you're welcome, holmes.

Dan: can I call you holmes?

jonathanmBLD: Yes, you may.

Dan: nice! I call everyone that. It's my thing

jonathanmBLD: For options on how to lower your bill, I would need to transfer directly to our Sales Department. They can give different options about your account and how to lower it.

Dan: Sweet. If you can make it a female sales rep that would be great, holmes. I do better with them.

jonathanmBLD: Alright. Dan. I will transfer you now. I will be providing them the details during the transfer so that it would easier for them to take a look at your account.

jonathanmBLD: Just stay connected while I transfer you.

Dan: will do, holmes. Enjoy the rest of your day! Remember to keep it real for me!

jonathanmBLD: You have a good day too!

jonathanmBLD: Please wait, while the problem is escalated to another analyst

analyst Nelson has entered room

Dan: My Issue: looking for some sweet sweet dealies for me!!!

NelsonLBOE: Welcome to Comcast Live Chat Support Sales Department. Thank you so much for your interest in bringing Comcast to your home. In line with this, we do promise to provide you the best service you deserve. You may call me Nelson, I will be your Customer Service Representative today. How are you doing today?

analyst Jonathan has left room

NelsonLBOE: You have reached the right person. I can definitely process your request and make sure that you will have the best value Comcast package that meets all your entertainment and communication needs.

Dan: I'm good Nelson! The last guy let me call him holmes...is that cool with you too? that's my thing.

NelsonLBOE: Glad to know that. Dan

NelsonLBOE: I understand that you are interested to lower your monthly bill or get the other options like special packages and promotions in your services, right?

Dan: oh and I'm good with my communicating needs. I like non-verbal forms of communicating. You know - hugs, kisses, heavy petting. That sort of thing. I just want to lower my cable bill!

Dan: So yes - looking for promotions! Holla at me, holmes.

NelsonLBOE: Thank you for confirming.

NelsonLBOE: I will work to find the best solution for you; however, please be advised that online offers are designed for new subscribers and for current ones who wish to upgrade their service/s.

NelsonLBOE: Thank you for waiting.

NelsonLBOE: Allow me to ask you a few questions in order for us to find the best solution for you.

Dan: Holmes, I have faith that you can find me something. Don't make me get the Fios...or ever worse - NO TV! The thought of that makes me physically ill. For real for real.

Dan: Anywho, ask away...I got nothing to hide.

Dan: except the hand I'm holding when I"m playing poker....you feel me, right holmes? hahahaha!

NelsonLBOE: Are you willing to lose some of your digital channels right now, and to reduce the speed of your internet service?

Dan: No. booooooooooooooooooooo to that! booooooooooooooooo! I am willing to lose Comcast though. Competitors are out there, holmes. Feeding on your customers like a chubby kid feeds on malted milk balls and cupcakes...let's find a way to get me a deal.

NelsonLBOE: Sure and since you do not want to downgrade and keep your current services, Here is what we can do for you.

NelsonLBOE: Aside that you are a loyal customer here with us, I will note your account with the concern that you want. In the meantime, please check the offers your local market has or you can call with this number 1-800XFINITY (1-800-9346489), what they can do in your account is to check the eligibilities that is available in your area in affordable rates meaning provide you the rates what is best for you. If you are not happy with their offer, you can chat back and we will be happy to complete the offer I gave you.

NelsonLBOE: So that you can get the same services for your cable and Internet plus it will reduce your bill next month.

Dan: I'm not gonna lie to ya, holmes. Dan = confused.

Dan: I do not see any deal offered.

NelsonLBOE: I do apologize for that and the rate that we can offer for you now is $63.50 for the digital starter regular rate.

Dan: what is my current rate?

NelsonLBOE: For the Internet, $26.95

NelsonLBOE: Your current rate is $171.74

NelsonLBOE: That is cable and Internet.

Dan: ohhhh....Danny a likey what he be a reading!...I think.

Dan: so what would my total be now?





Dan: NELSON!!! Why have you abandoned meeeeee???

NelsonLBOE: If we change the packages then that would be $151.25

NelsonLBOE: I'm here Dan and doing my best to resolve your concern today.

Dan: OK. and I won't loss any of my channels??

NelsonLBOE: There are only 10-20 digital channels will be lose and if you want to check that please go to this link www.comcast.com under the channel line up item.

NelsonLBOE: So that you will check and compare the channels you want to.

Dan: what? Nah, nevermind. Fios here I come!!

Dan: Just leave it as is for now....

NelsonLBOE: Since you do not want to lose channels and keeping the same services.

NelsonLBOE: Please check the market in your area anytime or you can call this number 1-800XFINITY.

Dan: Holmes, peep his counteroffer and give me your thoughts -  If you can somehow get me down to 130 a month w/o losing any channels I'll make you this deal - You, FOR FREE, can be enlisted in my class on how to win any woman's heart.

NelsonLBOE: So that you will get the same services and getting the lower rates plus it will reduce your monthly bill next month.

Dan: what do you think? My class is legit, holmes. I've made out with 3 girls over the last year ALONE!

Dan: that's a lot of play, no?

NelsonLBOE: Dan, as much as I wanted to process your order request but the available rates that I offer for you is the eligible that best can be apply.

NelsonLBOE: The only thing that we can process and change your packages is to call the number that I provide so that you will get the lower rates and eligible for you.

Dan: OK. So that's a no to my free class offer, correct? Because I'm about to pull it off the table...

NelsonLBOE: Yes Dan and you can contact now with the number that I provide you so that you will get the lower rates for your cable and Internet.

NelsonLBOE: And keeping the same services that you want.

Dan: can I ask you one last question?

NelsonLBOE: Sure and go ahead please.

Dan: Do you have the number for Fios?

NelsonLBOE: No I don't have their number Dan.

Dan: boooooooooooooooooo!

NelsonLBOE: You can just search that in to your Internet if you want.

Dan: what the F is the Internet?

NelsonLBOE: That is fiber for the Internet.

NelsonLBOE: Is there anything else I can do for you today, Dan?

Dan: just to keep on smiling and live every day it its fullest, holmes! Will you do that for me?

NelsonLBOE: Its okay and no problem for that.

Dan: Ummm. Ok, holmes...this is Danny, over and out. Peace to the nation, stay rugged and rough

NelsonLBOE: Thank you.

NelsonLBOE: Thank you for choosing Comcast and have a great day! Comcast appreciates your business and values you as a customer. Our goal is to provide you with excellent service. If you need further assistance, you can chat with one of our Customer Support Specialist. We are open to serve 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

NelsonLBOE: I hope that I was able to assist and resolve your issue for today. I would greatly appreciate it if you can spare a few seconds to take the survey on how well I assisted you when you click on END SESSION after the chat.

NelsonLBOE: Bye for now!

The chat session has been closed

NelsonLBOE: Analyst has closed chat and left the room